Seriously, I have made tonight's viewing of Miss America into an event! I made dip (so that way even if the girls on tv can't eat something good, I can), I am wearing comfortable pants with a brand-new top (so I look good too), and I have prepared to be entertained inadvertently.

Honestly, I am all for these girls, because, let's face it, I don't have the energy to have a talent and perform it! On stage, live and in person, in front of judges! My only talent is baking, and that's not really a talent - I can read a recipe and buy groceries, and somehow put the two together. But I certainly can't do it onstage!

Plus, I can't do anything with Mario Lopez staring at me.

But come on! Miss Ohio is on, and she's looking pretty! (She's a Cleveland girl, buddy. We can win stuff.)

FINAL RECAP: Well, Miss Ohio didn't even place! I am wildly disappointed. And there wasn't even a Midwestern representation after Miss Pennsylvania got booted out. Miss Georgia won the night, I am sorry to say - her interview answer was terrible, and I think the judges should be slapped for it.